Health: an unachievable goal? Or am I just being lazy... again.

I've had an on again off again relationship with a healthy lifestyle. I began researching healthy eating habits when my first baby began eating meals with us. And after teacher's college was done. There was no way I had the time or brain capacity to think about what I ate during that crazy year that was teacher's college with a 1 year old. What was I thinking!?!

Anyway, back to the beginning of my winding, detour-ridden journey to health.

It's a bit sad that I only looked into it for the sake of my child, and not me... But I did. I checked out a few books at the library and began watching a few diet related shows; my favourite was Eat Yourself Sexy. Gillian McKeith is so cool. Then I joined a gym. I have to admit the biggest appeal of going to the gym was the hour or so of uninterrupted "me time", the allusive idea that makeover shows are so intent on preaching at me. They weren't kidding, "me time" can be freaking awesome! I dropped my bundle of terrible two energy off at the gym daycare and hit the treadmill.

Then I decided, since I had the time and opportunity, to get a personal trainer. I don't regret it at all. She was great. Most people begin losing weight right away, but not me. I began at a plateau. I worked hard, really hard, and yet I couldn't lose any weight. In about 3 months I lost less than 3lbs. It was depressing, frustrating, and messed up! If I didn't have my trainer I would have given up for sure.

At the 3 month mark, she decided we needed drastic measures and she asked me to keep a daily food log. That sucked but was so necessary. If a healthy lifestyle just involved exercising I would be in, no hesitation. I get to tell my husband to watch the kids and let me have time to work out, and he of course will comply whole-heartedly since let's face it, he doesn't mind a toned up me. Not to mention, I'm sure, the happier, ie. less bitchy, attitude I sport post-work out "me time". Unfortunately, stupidly, frustratingly, exercise is clearly not enough for me. So I was very careful about what I ate. I was totally in control and the weight dropped off easily. I actually continued to lose weight well into my 2nd pregnancy even though I was not trying to lose weight. I was merely maintaining my new healthy eating habits.

A few months preggers and muscles like never before!

It sounds like a wonderful story of reaching a healthy lifestyle... But somewhere in my pregnancy I let it all go. I ate whenever and however I wanted. And you can guess what sort of things I wanted. Not rice cakes.

And exercise declined because, well, I was pregnant. I did yoga for as long as I could, but that was it. I felt like a massive bellied, fetus carrier and I couldn't even get off the couch without great effort let alone do a push up.

Taken a few hours before S came into the world.

My hilarious husband thought we all needed to remember exactly what being that pregnant looks like.

And now I have a beautiful, sweet, incredibly needy baby that is currently, at 4 months, still sleeping on my lap. That's another post, but yes, she sleeps on me 24/7. It's a bit difficult to work out with a baby on you.

That leaves me with what I know will be a very effective method to health, monitor my food intake and make sensible choices... Even if I was working out on a regular basis, which I'm not, my healthy lifestyle needs to include eating well. I respond to that thought like N just responded to whatever it was she was just tantruming about (Dada was dealing with it, I have no clue what it was, I have the aforementioned sleeping babe on me... such an adorable little get out of jail free card.) To sum: Crap. I don't wanna make sensible choices. I don't wanna pay attention to the junk I put in my body.

And then there's the guilt that I am a nursing momma, and therefore everything I eat my littlest one eats. So I really should be ensuring I eat enough of the right stuff each day.

But this elusive "healthy lifestyle" is really confusing to figure out. Some people claim vegan is the healthiest way, some claim depriving yourself of yogurt and other calcium-rich foods is risky, especially for women. So perhaps vegetarian? But protein is very important and it would be such work to make sure I get enough protein without meat... Plus, how realistic is that for me and my family? I recently heard of a Paleo diet, where you try to eat like the cavemen did, but that has many critics. And I've read that the most important thing to do is choose a diet that is maintainable and realistic for you.

Like pretty much everything else, there are sooooo many opinions and no one agrees. What to do, what to do...

So, my plan:
*90% of my grains will be whole grains. I already do this anyway, so that's an easy one.
*No more juice. Ever. Again, fairly easy for me. I usually only have tea and water. I sometimes have hot chocolate and chocolate milk, do I need to get rid of those completely? Hmmm....
*Only 1 red meat a week. Hmph. This one's harder. It's incredible how much red meat I don't notice I'm having. But I shall try.
*Natural (and therefore low-salt/sugar) peanut butter. Considering I have peanut butter almost every day, this is actually significant for me. And such an easy fix. No reason not to. Right? Right. Done.
*For supper, 1/4 of the plate should be grains, 1/4 meat or alternatives, and 1/2 veggies. Yeah... I soooo don't do that one right now. That'll take some work.
The hardest one, by far....
*Stop with the freaking junk! Oh my wonderful chips. How I love thee. Your salty goodness is only surpassed by the satisfying crunchiness. I can't tell you how many times I've eaten so many chips, and I mean a whole bag instead of a meal, and seriously felt ill afterwards. So not healthy. Plus, not ultimately satisfying. It's actually really unsatisfying. So what is the point? ...but I still want them. I'll always want them. Ketchup... All dressed... Oooo, dill pickle! You fickle temptresses!

The interesting thing is, for me, the question of a healthy lifestyle is no longer about weight loss or body image. I have recently given birth and am still far over my pre-pregnancy weight. But because of my experience with my trainer I know that I can reclaim my body when I have the chance to. Probably this time without a trainer. I know that the puffy muffin top where a baby lived for 9 months will eventually deflate. Of note, today a 5 year old poked my belly and asked "What's in there?" I was confused and so emptied my coat pockets for him... But he clarified by asking if I had a baby in there. :) His mother rushed to scold him and explain that when a mama has a new baby it takes a while for her to not look pregnant. I honestly didn't mind though. It didn't bug me. It was an honest question. I know I'm puffy, and I know I won't always be. Other areas of my body are of course forever changed, however no amount of diet or exercise will address those. And besides, there are amazing articles of clothing that suck in, push up, and enhance minor details like that. :) There's only one other person who has to see me without said awesome clothing, and he is a kind, loving, supportive (got children out of the deal) person.

To me, health is now for its own sake. I want to respect my body. I know that when I was losing weight and keeping a food log I was more energetic and more positive. My body functioned well and I knew I was doing the best I could for it. I was strong and proud of myself. I felt in control and that made me feel super empowered. Moreover, I want to begin my daughters with a lifestyle that is healthy and smart. I'd love to have this as their default. I want to them to always feel in control and proud of themselves. I want to model a positive attitude towards one's body, including allowing it function optimally.

Ah drat. It's the smart thing to do. Stick to my plan. Eat well. Avoid the chips. And fast food (so freaking convenient). And sweets... Stop thinking about them!

Back on the road to health!

I hope.